


i'll wait for you

by fromjazzywithlove



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-27 22:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20053606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromjazzywithlove/pseuds/fromjazzywithlove
Summary: when peter comes to you asking for advice, you find yourself hoping for something you never thought possible, but when everything goes completely wrong, you find yourself crumbling under the weight of the secret you keep. however, when a certain masked stranger shows up at your window one night, you find that maybe your shattered heart has a chance at recovery after all.





	1. midnight walks and broken hearts

**Author's Note:**

> peter parker x bestfriend!reader  
warnings: lots of angst, maybe one or two curse words? also really cringe writing  
title is semi-inspired by shawn’s ‘when you’re ready,’ also it was aesthetic and angsty so there’s that  
Thank you for reading! My Tumblr: tomhollandismyspiderman

You walked down the hallway quickly, your eyes darting through the sea of people trying to spot your best friend. Biting your lip, you slowly moved to make your way towards your next period when you felt a tug on your ponytail. “Going somewhere without me, Y/N?” 

A small smile- and a swarm of butterflies in your stomach, though you would never admit it- appeared as you turned to see Peter standing behind you, a look of mock hurt plastered on his face. You giggled, reaching up to run your hand through the mess of chocolate curls that sat on his head and smirking as he rushed to fix his hair. “I waited for you for five minutes at my locker, loser. Where were you?” 

Peter glanced away, a soft red spreading across his cheeks, but you didn’t notice- you were too busy playing with the small keychain dangling from your backpack. Peter had given it to you for your thirteenth birthday, and although it wasn’t much, it meant the world to you. You’d met Peter back in grade school, and the two of you had taken an instant disliking to each other, but as the years passed, he’d grown on you. Now, he was your best friend, and you still took the keychain with you everywhere as a cheesy but sentimental reminder of your close friendship. 

“Just talking to a friend. Now c’mon, we’re going to be late to chem.” Peter grabbed you by the arm and pulled you towards the classroom, grinning at you as he saw a wider smile spread across your face at his antics. “There’s the Y/N I know. Everything okay?” 

You cocked your head at him slightly, although internally, you could feel your pulse racing. “Yeah, everything’s- everything’s fine. Why?” 

He shrugged at you, slowing down a bit so the two of you were walking side by side and turning his head a little to glance at you with those trademark chocolatey-brown eyes that you adored with all of your heart.  _ God, those eyes _ . “I don’t know. You just seemed a little off this morning.” 

“Well, I’m fine,” you replied, trying to pry your gaze away from his- albeit an incredibly difficult task. “Just tired, I guess.”

“Okay, that’s good.” He chuckled softly to himself, a playful look appearing in his eyes. “Because the last one to chem is a  _ rotten egg!”  _ Shoving you playfully on the shoulder, Peter was off, running through the hallways to beat you to the classroom. You weren’t far behind, though; you had always been a faster runner than Peter, and as the crowds parted slightly to let the two of you through, you caught up with him and slid into your seat a fraction of a second before your best friend. 

“Who’s the rotten egg now?” You grinned at him, and he rolled your eyes at you, trying to hide the smile that was growing on his face. 

“Shut up.” 

As you settled into your seat, waiting for class to finally start, you couldn’t help but let your gaze wander to your best friend’s dorky yet undeniably cute face. He was already focused on his notes, being the science nerd that he was, and as he played with his pencil, biting his lip slightly, you found yourself drifting into the familiar fantasy of kissing your best friend. 

You’d liked Peter since ninth grade, although you would never admit it to anyone, including yourself. Although you’d dated a couple other guys throughout high school, you knew deep down that you had only gotten with them as a means of distraction. There was no one that compared to Peter in your mind- he was sweet, silly, and caring, plus you knew each other almost better than you knew yourselves. And as the years passed, you couldn’t help but find yourself falling for him, and you constantly wondered if he felt the same way- but his innocent, pure self never seemed to notice your blatant affection for him. The way your eyes always seemed to be watching him, the way you could never seem to stop blushing whenever the two of you were close together, the way you stuttered when he asked you questions like he had this morning, at times when you wanted nothing more in the world than to be closer to him than anyone else, to kiss his soft lips and hold him close to you and make sure nothing ever happened to him, that he never got hurt. 

But you also knew in your heart that it would be hard for the two of you to date- after all, if you broke up, it’d practically be throwing away a five-year friendship, and it’d destroy your heart to lose him. And all you ever wanted was to see him happy. 

“Hey, Y/N, whatcha thinking?” MJ sat down in the desk next to yours, her voice startling you out of your thoughts. You quickly turned your head away from Peter to focus on her, her brown eyes watching you intently as she shot you a small smile. MJ and you weren’t close friends, but you had grown to like her- after all, she was friends with Peter, so she obviously wasn’t horrible- and since the two of them  _ were  _ friends, you had made an effort to get to know her a little better than you already did. And MJ seemed nice, if not a little closed up- but then again, you could understand that. You weren’t the type to go talking about your personal business, either, with the exception of Peter, who you told everything to. 

“Nothing,” you replied, shrugging slightly as you pulled out your chemistry notebook. “How was English?” 

She rolled her eyes. “The usual. Mr. Thompson rambled on about independent clauses for twenty minutes, wasting half the class time we had to write our essays, and then he got mad at us for not having them ready to turn it. You’d think he’d have learned by now.”    
You giggled, familiar with the antics of your English teacher. “Honestly. I mean, he’s the only teacher that doesn’t seem to understand that we need  _ time  _ to work on our classwork.” 

MJ grinned. “Not the  _ only _ one, it seems. Mr. Jamieson is probably going to expect us to be completely done with our notes by the time he finally shows up.” She gestured to the desk at the front of the room, where your teacher was still missing from- it was already ten minutes into class, and he still wasn’t anywhere to be seen. 

“If you were Peter, you probably would be.” You sent another glance towards your best friend, who was still scribbling something down into his battered notebook. 

“What a nerd.” MJ rolled her eyes, but there was still a hint of a smile present on her face. “He works too hard, don’t you think?” 

You shrugged. You knew that Peter always had to help May in the evenings, working until late at night which was when he was finally able to reply to your texts, so he didn’t have much time to do homework in the afternoons. It wasn’t a surprise to see him trying to get ahead on notes, especially for chem, so he wouldn’t have to stay up even later trying to finish his schoolwork. You’d offered countless times to help him- he didn’t deserve to have to work so hard to get by in school and at home, especially not when he had already suffered through so much. But he always turned you down, like the completely selfless person he was, and you always felt a slight ache in your heart, knowing that he worked all day at school, then all night to help May, then still made time for your problems that you knew were stupid in comparison. “He’s just trying his best.” 

It was MJ’s turn to shrug, and the two of you stopped talking as Mr. Jamieson started class. But you still couldn’t stop your thoughts from wandering to Peter. And you had to wonder- even if you could stop them, would you want to?

~~~

Walking into the cafeteria, you smiled, spotting Peter sitting with MJ across the room, and a second after, he glanced up, spotting you immediately through the crowd. The grin that appeared on his face could rival the sun, and you were the planet, revolving around him, needing his light to survive even the darkest days, even if he didn’t know it. It was almost enough to make your heart hurt, though you couldn’t explain why. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Peter greeted you happily as you reached the table, moving his items to make room for yours. “It’s been a while.” 

“It’s been two periods, Peter.” Still, you couldn’t help but laugh - your best friend’s enthusiastic response to seeing you was nothing less than heart-warming. “Where’s Ned?”    
“Coming, I think. Said he might be late because he had a project to work on in the library, but he’s probably just talking to Betty. You know how he is about that girl.” Peter rolled his eyes, and you laughed. You weren’t sure how to feel about the Asian boy at first, but now, the two of you were good friends, and you were in on all the antics that occurred between Peter and Ned. Originally, you’d been a little jealous- their fast friendship was much different from the dynamic that you and Peter had shared, and you weren’t sure how to react, especially when Peter started spending more and more time with him- but he’d grown on you, and now the four of you had your own little friend group. To any outsider, the four of you would probably look insane, but you were a tight-knit bunch and you knew almost nothing could tear you apart.

The three of you finished eating lunch, Peter cracking ridiculous jokes and MJ criticizing them; all the while you were laughing at their silly banter. As you prepared to go to your next class, Peter turned to you, watching you pack your bag. “You still want to hang out tonight?”    
You could feel MJ’s eyes on you, watching your interaction with a sly smile. Mock-glaring at her, you turned back to Peter, stealing another glance at his eyes before turning back to what you were doing. “Yeah, text me after school?” 

“I’ve got decathlon practice, but text you afterwards? I’ll come by your house, we can study or something?”    
_ Or we could actually  _ do  _ something, _ you wanted to say, feeling the disappointment grow in the pit of your stomach, but instead you nodded quickly, swinging your backpack onto your shoulder as you started to walk away. “See you, Peter!”    
“Okay, Y/N,” he responded, watching you walk away. And even after you were long out of the cafeteria, you could still almost feel his gaze on the back of your head. 

Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. 

~~~ 

The doorbell echoed through the house, and you rushed towards the front door quickly, knowing it was Peter. Sure enough, when you swung open the door, there was your best friend, waiting expectantly for you. He smiled as soon as he saw you, the two inches he had on you feeling like two feet as he leaned on the doorframe, staring down at you. Still, you could see the exhaustion on his face past his bright smile and wide eyes, and it was clear that he needed some sleep. 

“Peter, you should get some rest.” You glanced up at him with worried eyes, biting your lip slightly. “As much as I would love to hang out with you, you look  _ exhausted.  _ You need to go sleep.” 

Peter rolled his eyes before his gaze returned to you, his eyes tracing the outline of your face. “Sleep is for the weak. Besides, I told you I would hang out with you, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

“It’s ten at night, what is there to do?” You raised an eyebrow at him, and he smirked, copying your expression playfully. 

“We,” he paused, grabbing you by the arm, “are going to take a walk.” You cocked your head at him, but didn’t say anything as the two of you made your way down the steps and onto the sidewalk. The night was quiet, and you let Peter lead you along as you let your gaze wander up to the endless sky. It was rare to ever be able to see the stars in the bustling city, but tonight there was an oddly low amount of light pollution and the sky was lit up by the small, shining dots. 

Peter was quiet, but you could tell that he was struggling to get the words out. Glancing up at him, you furrowed your brow. “You okay?”    
“Yeah, it’s just-” He hesitated, brushing a stray curl out of his face. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Y/N, I just wanted to ask you…” At his words, you felt your heart begin racing at a mile a minute, your vision going slightly fuzzy and a million butterflies appearing in your stomach.  _ What was Peter doing?  _ Could it be what you were thinking? What you had wished for, prayed for, ever since ninth grade? God, could you and Peter be something more? 

You were practically giving yourself an anxiety attack at this point, so you tried to refocus on what Peter was saying, but you found it hard. He must have thought you insane, freaking out so quickly after trying to ask you a simple question.  _ Jesus, I’m so bad at this,  _ you thought to yourself, your eyes finally refocusing on Peter, but he was looking away now, and you could see that his face was a bright red. 

“Do you think I should ask out MJ?”    
Your world froze, and your heart seemed to drop to your feet. 

_ “What?”  _

“I don’t know, never mind, it’s nothing-” Peter’s words were a blur in your ear, and your world was spinning like you were on a ride at the fair, and it just wouldn’t  _ stop,  _ and you didn’t know what to  _ do,  _ and- 

“I mean, if you want to. Maybe that would be- maybe it would be good.” You didn’t know what you were saying; it was like your mouth was moving for yourself, and you had no control over it- although that was fitting, seeing as you didn’t have control over anything right now. “Maybe-” you were stuttering uncontrollably now, tears brimming in your eyes. “Maybe it would be good if we just had some space.”    
“No, Y/N, that’s not what I meant-” 

“I actually think I- I still have homework.” You had turned to walk away already- you couldn’t handle this anymore, it was just  _ too much _ , and God, why were you reacting like this- you were overreacting, that was all, and it was just shock. You weren’t expecting it, that was all. That was what you wanted to tell yourself, anyway.

“Y/N, wait-” But it was too late. You were already walking- no, running- back towards your house, your heart wrenching in your chest and the uncontrollable sobs finally pouring down your face. Peter’s voice in your head faded away as you crawled into your bed, pulling the sheets close to your chest. Maybe when you woke up, this would all be okay. Maybe the pain would disappear. 

Maybe you wouldn’t be in love your best friend. 


	2. lunchroom tears and half-forgotten heartbreaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when peter comes to you asking for advice, you find yourself hoping for something you never thought possible, but when everything goes completely wrong, you find yourself crumbling under the weight of the secret you keep. however, when a certain masked stranger shows up at your window one night, you find that maybe your shattered heart has a chance at recovery after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word count: 2.4k
> 
> warnings: lots of angst and bad writing
> 
> So I kinda just realized that italics don't work on AO3... sorry if some of the sentences are a little confusing, I used italics to put emphasis on some of it as well as show the reader's thoughts, so it might not make as much sense as I was thinking... hope you enjoy, though!

It had been five days since your walk with Peter. 

It had also been five days since you had last talked to your best friend. 

Much to your surprise, life went on as usual, albeit a little quieter and a little more dull for you now that Peter ceased to be in yours. The days seemed to pass much slower, though, and you spent your time shooting longing glances at Peter that you knew he wouldn’t notice. After all, he was too busy with his new  _ girlfriend,  _ MJ, to have time to think about you, right? You didn’t matter enough to Peter for that, that much was clear. At least, that was what you tried to tell yourself. 

Because it hurt too much to remember that Peter had asked you,  _ your _ Peter had asked you, if he should date your mutual friend. And you had said  _ yes, _ of all things, instead of telling him, admitting to him, how you really felt, how you wished so much that he would see  _ you  _ in that way instead. 

And now it was too late. 

You sighed quietly, your eyes still feeling raw from the crying you’d done before school this morning. It had become a daily routine at this point- wake up, get ready, cry your eyes out, then wash your face and walk down stairs, convincing your parents that you were fine, that they had heard nothing. Then, you would head to school for another lonely, painful day, spent thinking of your best friend and wishing everything could just go back to normal. Even that- knowing Peter wasn’t really  _ yours _ , but still having him in a sense- would be better than this misery. And you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep this up. You still talked to Ned occasionally, but you steered clear of him in any classes that you also shared with Peter.

Seeing him hurt too much. 

_ You’re being overdramatic, _ you told yourself, shooting a glance his way across the lunchroom. You were sitting alone at a cafeteria table, as you had for the past few days that you’d spent practically friendless. Although you still had Ned, he had become friends with Peter before he’d become friends with you, and it didn’t make sense for him to stop sitting with him simply because the two of you had had a falling-out. And it had happened so quickly that you really couldn’t even remember how it had all occurred, especially since it had been so late at night; the entire event was a blur to you now, and all you knew was that your best friend, who you were undeniably in love with, was now dating MJ. 

Your life was a mess.

It had only been five days, but now you were sitting alone at lunch with no idea what to do. 

It had only been five days, but you had somehow lost your best friend and all your closest friends in the process. 

It had only been five days, but it’d been five days with a shattered heart. 

You stared down at the table, studying your untouched lunch as another tear dripped down your face. You were falling apart; your thoughts were a whirlwind of sadness and anger, directed at Peter and MJ and yourself, and you could barely even see straight, let alone think straight at this point. 

What was the point anymore?

It had only been five days, but you were completely broken. 

You began packing up your lunch again, knowing you didn’t have the strength to eat anything. Your stomach was growling at you, crying for attention- you’d skipped breakfast, too, so your body was craving nutrition- but you knew you wouldn’t be able to keep anything down. As you were placing your lunch bag in your backpack, you felt a familiar shadow fall over your table as Peter approached you. 

“Hey, Y/N, can I-” Before he could even get the words out, though, you could feel yourself struggling to breathe through the tears that were already pouring down your face. Your reaction was a bit extreme, you had to admit- but so were your feelings for Peter. He made you a different person when you were around him, pulled you out of your shell, made you happier than anyone else you’d ever known. And you craved his presence; when he wasn’t around you, you felt deprived of a crucial nutrient that you needed for survival, and when he was, you drank him in. He gave you life; he let you thrive; he was the reason you had been so happy. And now all of that was gone, and you weren’t sure if you were able to handle that. Before you knew what you were doing, you had grabbed your bag and were running down the hallway, away from Peter, away from MJ, away from  _ everything.  _ And the rest of your day was spent hiding in the bathroom, holding your knees close to your chest and shuddering in sobs. As soon as the dismissal bell rang, you were out the door, walking quickly down the sidewalk to reach your house as quickly as you could. 

A cold wind blew over your face, and you inhaled a sharp breath, suddenly feeling dizzy and shaky. Your hands were trembling, and you could barely see straight; it was just your situation, you told yourself, only your hurt feelings making you feel this way.    
So you pushed through. You kept going, despite feeling the ground sway under your feet. You kept going, despite the edges of your vision turning black, and you kept going, despite the pounding headache that throbbed in your mind. 

And then suddenly everything was black. 

~~~ 

You woke up groggily to a blurry red figure only a few feet away from your face, feeling the comfort of your own bed beneath your back. Your headache was gone and you were no longer dizzy, but the memory of what had happened was still blurry in your mind. “Who are you?” Your voice cracking, you cleared your throat, waiting for your eyes to focus in on the thing- person? standing above you. 

The figure- yes, it was definitely a person- moved their hand to push a lock of hair behind your ear, and you could feel the bed bounce as they sat down next to you. “See if you can figure it out.” 

You blinked. “What?” But as the person came into full view, you could clearly see what the red was, and you quickly recognized the web design that covered them as belonging to none other than Queens’ own Spider-Man. “Wait, you’re  _ Spider-Man?”  _ _   
_ He laughed, adjusting his position on your bed and looking at you with his oddly surreal white spider-eyes. “The one and only.” 

“And you’re in my room because…” You slowly began to sit up, your heart rate speeding up slightly at the movement but slowing down once you leaned back against your bed’s headboard. 

“I saw you pass out, and obviously I had to do something. You know, being the hero of Queens and all.” 

“How did you know where I lived?” You raised an eyebrow skeptically, staring the red-suit man down with a suspicious glare. 

“Spider-Man never reveals his secrets!” Although you couldn’t see his face- and you were already curious as to who the masked man was- you could hear the mock annoyance, and you laughed. “But I’ve seen you walk home before while I was on patrol.” 

“Oh, yeah? And how do I know you’re not some thirty-seven year old pedophile?” Now you were getting to the questions you were  _ really  _ concerned about; after all, you didn’t really want someone who was at least twenty years older than you sitting on your bed, only three feet away from you. 

“Because I’m in high school?” It was phrased like a question, but you were convinced-  _ almost.  _ You still had reason to be a little skeptical, but this spider-boy seemed innocent enough, and you currently had no reason to believe that he was anyone other than who he said. “But enough about me. What happened out there?”    
You glanced down, almost embarrassed to be re-telling the story. You hated feeling vulnerable in front of people, both emotionally and physically; and you weren’t used to sharing your feelings with anyone except for Peter. 

_ Peter.  _ You had almost forgotten about what had happened between the two of you- the shock of seeing Spider-Man in your bedroom had successfully distracted you for a short period of time- but now that you thought about it, the situation with Peter was what had lead to your current condition. 

“It’s nothing,” you finally settled on, avoiding the superhero’s gaze on you as you fiddled with your fingers. 

“Well obviously something is wrong, or else I wouldn’t be here,” he replied, reaching over to tilt your head up so you were looking at him. “You can tell me. I promise I won’t judge. Maybe I can actually-” he gasped in mock shock- “ _ help  _ you!” 

You rolled your eyes at him, but you couldn’t help but laugh. You had to admit, although you hadn’t known him for very long, the superhero was growing on you. And the more you thought about it, the more you realized that he reminded you of someone, though you couldn’t for the life of you figure out who it was. “I don’t know. I’m just- going through some stuff, I guess. Can we talk about something else?”

“I have a better idea. If you’re feeling up to it, of course.” He stood up, watching for your reaction as he held out a hand. “Care to go for a swing?” 

A smile appeared on your face; somehow this one interaction with someone you’d never met before was making you happier than you’d been all week. “Could we? Don’t you have your… superhero duties to do or something?”

“These  _ are  _ my superhero duties,” he responded, and although you couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, it was something you’d known internally all along- you were nothing more than another thing he had to do, another duty he had to fulfill. “That doesn’t mean I can’t have fun doing it, though,” he added after seeing your face fall, “and besides, even a superhero’s gotta take a break sometimes.” 

The smile returned to your face, and you took Spider-Man’s outstretched hand. He pulled you close to his body, wrapping one hand around your waist and using his other to pull you two out the open window. You could feel the heat rushing to your face at the close proximity between the two of you, and you bit your lip, glancing away. “You must get all the girls at your high school.” 

He inhaled sharply, not replying, and you hoped you hadn’t said the wrong thing, but after a second he let out a breath. “Not really. I’m not exactly… the popular kid. Besides, there’s only one girl that I like, and she doesn’t like me that way.” 

You could hear the disappointment in his voice, and you looked back out to the buildings passing by, trying to take in the New York City night sights. After all, it wasn’t every day that you got to take a swing around the city with Spider-Man himself. “Well, she’s probably missing out. Does she even know you like her?” 

He was quiet for a second, his grip tightening on your waist as the two of you swung around a corner and landed softly on the ground, where you stepped onto the sidewalk and fell into step next to him. “I… don’t know. We’ve never really talked about that, I guess.”

“You should tell her. Maybe it’s not that she doesn’t like you- maybe she just doesn’t know how you feel.” 

He shrugged, staring up at the night sky. “Maybe. She’s… we’re not really talking right now. And I guess I’m not the best at expressing my feelings, because I really messed things up between us.” 

“I messed things up with the guy I like, too.” You were shocked at your sudden admission; wasn’t it just a few minutes ago that you refused to talk about what was upsetting you? Truthfully, you had forgotten all about Peter, for the few short minutes that you’d spent with Spider-Man, but now the painful memory came flooding back. Still, somehow you were able to keep your voice steady and your thoughts calm. “Then again, I guess it’s my fault for catching feelings.”    
“Hey, you can’t help that.” Spider-Man grabbed your hand and squeezed it for a quick second, a comforting gesture. “Maybe you should follow your own advice, talk to him. It can’t hurt, right?”    
“Yeah, but he’s dating our friend now.” Your voice caught in your throat, and you looked away from him. “There’s not much to talk about. I can’t just get between the two of them for my own selfish reasons.” 

You could tell he was about to say something, but suddenly a loud alarm noise started ringing from his suit. “Karen, activate Police Car Protocol!”    
“ _ Karen?”  _ You couldn’t help but laugh, grinning playfully at the spider-boy.

“Yeah, yeah, now’s not the time to judge,” he replied, but you could tell he was grinning too, even without seeing it. But his voice took on a more serious tone as he informed you of the situation. “There’s been a robbery on First Avenue. I have to go, can you get home okay?”    
“I’ll be fine.” Though you were disappointed that your evening had to end so soon, you knew his superhero duties took precedence over tending to your emotional baggage. 

“You sure? Even at this time of night?” The concern in his voice was heartwarming, and you let a small smile escape. 

“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” You turned to walk away, but before you did, you glanced back over your shoulder one more time, studying the mask that covered his face. “And thank you, by the way. For everything.”

“Of course. I’m glad you’re feeling better.” Spider-Man turned to swing away, and as he did, you couldn’t help but let out an excited squeal.  _ Spider-Man _ had just spent an evening with you, told you a secret about himself that possibly not many people knew, and even though you had no idea who he was, you already felt close to the boy. And you were so, so grateful that, even for only a second, you were able to forget about Peter. 

Even for only a second, you had stopped hurting. 

_ Thank you, Spider-Man.  _


	3. spider scars and talks with tony stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when peter comes to you asking for advice, you find yourself hoping for something you never thought possible, but when everything goes completely wrong, you find yourself crumbling under the weight of the secret you keep. however, when a certain masked stranger shows up at your window one night, you find that maybe your shattered heart has a chance at recovery after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I figured out the italics finally ahaha. i'll repost the other chapters with rich text, so they might actually more sense lmao. I post this on Tumblr as well: @tomhollandismyspiderman.  
in other news, only one or two chapters left! with the way this one ends, i'm thinking only one, but it might be long, so get ready ^-^ thanks for reading, i hope you enjoy <3

** _90 unread messages from: Peter _ **

** _17 missed calls from: Peter_ **

You shook your head softly, dismissing the notifications and flipping your phone upside down on the table. It had been a couple of months since you had talked to your former best friend, and despite how much you would love to rekindle your friendship, the images of MJ and Peter that appeared in your head at every thought of your conversation with him held you back. Peter was relentless, though, and you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe you could make something work. While MJ and Peter were dating, you knew you might be a little distant compared to your dynamic in the past, but maybe, just maybe, there was still hope for you three. Peter didn’t want to give up on the thought of your friendship, that was for certain. 

But you just didn’t want to get hurt. 

Besides, you had another distraction in your life now: your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. He’d made a habit of coming to your windowsill every night during his patrol, and every so often- okay, every night- you two would swing out your window and explore New York, the night feeling limitless as you clung to him. And the two of you had grown close, there was no doubt: at this point, the spiderboy was becoming a constant reminder to you that broken hearts could heal. 

But it had only been a couple of months, and there were times when you still cried alone in your room at night at the thought of losing your best friend and the boy you were in love with, all in one. Could you ever be fully okay again? Maybe not, and although you knew it was overdramatic, Peter meant everything to you, and losing him over something so silly could affect you for longer than you thought. You still yearned for his silly affection, longed for him to tug your ponytail like he once did, wished with all your heart that he would give you one of his sweatshirts when you were freezing, like you often were. And, if nothing else, you wished for your best friend back, the person you could tell all - _ most - _of your secrets, and the person you trusted with all of your heart. 

And, despite everything that had happened, maybe that could still be possible. 

But while you still spent your days Peter-less, you knew you had found a new ally in Spider-Man, and he was often what got you through the day when you were feeling especially down. You looked forward to seeing him every night: to spilling out the emotions that you’d bottled up, and to sharing every detail of the day. And he was usually equally excited to see you: he would rant about whatever had happened on patrol, admitting that he still wasn’t sure how he managed to juggle both Spider-Man duties, school, and helping his family out. You related to him closely, and the two of you had created a bond that you knew would last for a long time. 

Neither of you had brought up the conversation that you’d had on the first day you met, but you knew that if you wanted to talk about it, he gladly would. He always reminded you that he was there for you, especially on the days that had been a little rough on your already wounded heart, and you were more than grateful for the spiderboy for being your motivation to get through the day, and for helping you get through what would have been a much harder time without him. 

You slumped back against your headboard, trying to look busy on your phone so it didn’t seem like you’d been anxiously awaiting Spider-Man once he arrived at your window like he always did. He didn’t follow a strict schedule, but he tried to be there at nine-thirty or a little earlier, knowing that you usually tried to go to sleep by eleven. Some days, though, like tonight, he ran a little late; when his duties called, you knew that he had to attend to them before coming to spend time with you. 

It was eleven o’clock before the spiderboy finally stumbled weakly into your room, his breathing heavy and his shoulders tense. “Hey, Y/N.”   
Your eyebrows already knitted together in concern, you rushed to his side, gently pulling him to a sitting position next to you on your bed. “Are you okay?”   
He nodded quickly, then shook his head, then nodded again. “I… I’ll be fine.” You were already trying to rub some of the tension out of his shoulders, though, and as your touch reached his lower back, he cringed, pulling away from you. But you had already felt the wet warmth under the suit, and you bit your lip nervously, turning towards the spiderboy. 

“Obviously, you’re not okay. Stop acting so tough and tell me what happened!” You didn’t mean to act harshly with him, but he knew you meant well, and he leaned forward, propping himself up with his palms on his knees and inhaling sharply at the action. 

“It’s just…” He paused, and you could tell it was hurting him to do even something so simple as speak. “It’s just a little… a little scratch. Nothing to worry about, Y/N.” But you could tell by his shallow breathing that he wasn’t telling the truth. You felt a pang in your heart, anxiety brimming in your stomach, but you weren’t sure what to do for him, unless he’d- 

“Let me take care of you. You getting hurt is a reason for me to worry, believe it or not.” He groaned in pain, but you could see he was trying to protest- although he was struggling to do it verbally. “Besides, if you’re hurt, who’s going to take care of Queens?”   
“Iron- Iron Man,” the spiderboy grunted, clenching his fists tight. 

“What do you mean, Iron Man?” You knew there was no way the well-known superhero would have time to patrol over your little borough in New York City, but Spider-Man knew things about the hero that you didn’t, so you had to hear him out. 

“Y/N, there’s- I can’t let you waste your time taking care of me, and besides, how could you- how could you do it without uncovering my identity? It has to- has to stay a secret.” He stopped for a breath, exhausted from speaking even a couple of simple sentences. “So I’ll just go to Mr.- I’ll go to Tony. He has a med bay with a team of doctors specially equipped for taking care of people with… enhancements. People like me.” 

Tony Stark. It was a familiar name; Peter used to spend much of his time talking about his internship with Mr. Stark, the man he idolized and adored. You were well versed in all the going-ons of Stark Industries now, and you couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the grin that always appeared on Peter’s face when he was rambling about the wealthy businessman. Still, there were more important matters at hand here, and you put the thought of Peter out of your mind as you turned your attention back to Spider-Man. “Well, I’m not letting you go there alone.”   
“Y/N, it’s late. You need to sleep. I’ll-” a cough interrupted him mid-sentence, leaving him breathless and choking on his own air- “I’ll be okay on my own.”   
“You’re _ not okay!” _ This time, you were practically yelling at him- you hated being so harsh, especially when he was in pain, but he was just _ so damn stubborn. _ “You _ need _help, and I’m not just going to sit around here when there’re a million things that could go wrong between here and the Avengers facility. You know I wouldn’t be able to sleep, anyway, so don’t pretend you can do this on your own and just let me come with you.” 

“No, Y/N, I can’t let you put me before yourself. That’s my job, remember?” But you refused to give in, despite how selfless the boy was trying to be. 

“I’m going with you, whether you like it or not.” Though you hated to admit it, you could be equally as stubborn as the spiderboy, but it came in handy at times. “Do you think you’ll be able to swing yourself out the window, or do we need to sneak out the front door?” 

Spider-Man was reluctant to follow you, but after he saw that you wouldn’t relent until he was safely in Tony’s care, he let you help him stand up. “I can go out the window. I don’t want you to get in trouble with your parents.” 

Your parents had noticed you’d been out at night more and more frequently, but they didn’t question you too much- after all, you were a teenage girl, and they knew you had a social life. When they did ask, you just passed it off as hanging out with Peter or MJ, a hopefully believable lie, despite the fact that neither had been present at your house for almost a month- so it wasn’t hard for you to shoot them a quick text that you’d been out late with MJ and would be spending the night at your house. “It’s okay. This is more important. _ You’re _more important.” 

After successfully making it out of the window and into the yard below, you checked to make sure Spider-Man was doing okay, gently rubbing his shoulders in hope that it would help to relieve some of the pain, then beginning your slow but sure walk towards the Avengers headquarters. At one point, the spiderboy even convinced you that he’d be able to swing while holding on to you, which would significantly speed up the process, but after a few miles where it was evident he was in pain, you coaxed him back to the ground. Luckily, though, the headquarters weren’t too far from your house, and you made it there in a little under two hours. 

You knocked on the front door frantically, knowing that there was little to no chance that Tony Stark would hear you through the reinforced steel that surrounded the facility, yet realizing you had to try anyway. Spider-Man stumbled to a large red button labeled ‘Emergency Response’ near the area where you’d been knocking, nearly falling into it with his attempt to press his finger into it. The doors opened immediately, responding to the unique design on his suit. 

“Mr. Stark?” you called, Spider-Man echoing your words weakly from where you supported him with your arms. The man came rushing down a large staircase, pulling his sunglasses down onto his face as soon as he spotted you and Spider-Man moving slowly towards him. 

“E.D.I.T.H, analyze Spider-Man’s current health,” he snapped, rushing over to help you support the weak boy. “Come on, help me get him to the med bay.” Nodding to you, he started to lead the two of you towards a nearby elevator, and you silently thanked Tony Stark for all his high-tech equipment. Although you were concerned about your spider friend, you knew that under the smart businessman’s care, he would be okay. 

“So, who are you?” Tony- Mr. Stark? was now the time for formalities?- cocked his head at you, raising an eyebrow in your direction. 

“I’m- I’m Y/N,” you replied, slightly intimidated by _ Tony Stark’s _ presence. After all, this was _ Iron Man _you were talking to, not just one of the many wealthy CEOs that you knew existed across the country. “I’m a friend of one of your interns-” 

“Peter,” he finished for you, gesturing for you to follow him as you reached the level with the med bay. “He talks about you a lot_ .” _ Smirking, he helped Spider-Man into the med bay, leading him into a separate room labeled specifically with the hero’s name. You blushed slightly- Peter talked about you? To _ Tony Stark? _ It wasn’t true- Tony must have been mistaken. And if he wasn’t, well, he had to be referring to back when you and Peter were still friends. There was no way Peter would still talk about you to Mr. Stark, not while the two of you weren’t talking and when he had a new girlfriend. You didn’t mean _ that _ much to him.

Did you? 

“Stay out there, Y/N. I’m going to help Spider-Man change out of his suit, and- I’m assuming you don’t know his identity?”   
You shook your head, sitting down in one of the chairs in the main area of the med bay as Tony shut the door behind him. You could hear the faint sounds of their voices, but you couldn’t make out what they were saying, and you couldn’t help but wish for a split second that you _ did _ know who Spider-Man was. Would things be different between the two of you, if you knew his true identity? And would you still want to hang out with him? Questions ran through your head endlessly, occupying your thoughts while you waited for Tony to give you the verdict on the spiderboy. But even through everything else, though, you couldn’t help but let your thoughts wander back to Peter. _ God, _ you missed that boy. And you desperately wanted to know how he was doing, if May was doing okay, if everything was okay with _ him. _ You knew Peter was prone to stress, and you had spent so long wishing for _ him _, you realized, that you hadn’t always been there for him for whatever he was going through. Yes, you had helped out at home a lot, and you two never stopped talking- much to your teachers’ dismay- but you realized you never really asked him if he was okay. And if there was one thing you had learned from this whole thing, it was that everyone needs someone to check in on them sometimes, someone to rant to, someone to keep them sane. And if you weren’t going to be that person for Peter, then why in the world did you think you deserved to call him your own? 

If you ever became friends with Peter again, you would make sure to check in on him every day, you promised to yourself. He was always making sure you were okay, and it was your turn to make sure he wasn’t going crazy under the weight of his own emotions, which you knew from experience could be a struggle to survive. Most of all, you promised to yourself, you’d be there for your friend, no matter what- even if he was with someone else. It wasn’t fair to Peter, to have to struggle with your own emotional baggage when he had his own emotions and his other relationships to deal with and support as well. 

“Hey, Y/N.” Tony gently sat down in the stiff plastic chair next to yours, turning slightly so he was facing you. 

“How’s he doing? Is he going to be okay?” Your questions were frantic, but Tony shot you a comforting smile that managed to relieve some of your stress. 

“Spider-Man will be fine, Y/N. Stubborn little shit refuses to accept he needs help- told me he’d heal fine without the specially-made medicine from the med bay- but he’s going to be okay.” With his words, you felt a huge weight lifting off your chest. “He’s enhanced- the spider-bite gave him powers to withstand injuries a normal person would crumble under- so he should heal quickly, but getting stabbed in the back will hinder anyone, I suppose.” 

“He got _ stabbed _ in the _ back _ ?” You looked at Tony incredulously, mouth gaping open in surprise and shock. “He said it was just a scratch! Being stabbed does _ not _ count as a _ scratch!” _

Tony shrugged, but you could see the concern for the spiderboy in his eyes as he spoke. “Like I said, stubborn little shit. In fact, if you hadn’t come with him, I guarantee he wouldn’t have come at all. Didn’t want to be a _ bother, _he said. He’ll be healed quickly, though- three days at tops until it starts to fully heal, then he should be completely back to normal within the span of two or three weeks.” 

You nodded, gaze drifting to admire the excessive medical equipment that lined the room. “Is this all for Spider-Man?” 

“Not him specifically, no, but it’s a designated med bay for all of the enhanced Avengers… plus Spidey, of course. We have specialized equipment designed to handle each of their individual needs, and, seeing as they can’t be treated by your typical doctor, we even have a special team of doctors and specialists to care for them. After all, even superheroes get sick sometimes,” Tony replied with a smirk. You could see the pride appear on his face as he discussed all of this with you; it was clear that Tony cared deeply about his fellow Avengers- and that he showed his love for them through money. Nonetheless, it was heartwarming to see someone so deeply devoted to his teammates, and you felt a smile growing on your face. 

“So… Peter?” Tony smiled at you innocently, and you blushed, looking away quickly. 

“How’s he doing?” you asked, avoiding his implied question. 

Tony smiled, and it was clear that he cared as much about the boy as Peter cared for him. You knew that Peter had lost three out of four of his parent figures, two of them being fathers to him, and ever since he had grown close to Tony, he had begun looking up to him as a father figure- though he would never admit it to Tony himself. “He’s doing well, I think. That boy can’t seem to stop talking about you, though, like I said before. You two close?”   
So Tony _ didn’t _ know about your and Peter’s… issues at the moment. “Used to be, I guess. We kind of… got into a fight.” Tony stayed silent, so you continued reluctantly after pausing for a second. “I miss him. A lot.” 

Tony nodded, his eyes sparkling with a mischievous twinkle that you couldn’t help but silently laugh at. It was one you recognized- one you’d seen in Peter, as well. _ Like father, like son. _“You should talk to him.” 

You inhaled sharply, glancing away again. “I don’t know if he wants me to talk to him. Besides, I messed up, and I don’t know if I can go back from that.” Even as you said the words, though, you knew they were untrue- weren’t you the one who was thinking only a minute ago about how you were going to be a better friend to Peter, if you were able to rekindle your friendship?

Tony raised an eyebrow. “That’s not the real reason, is it?” This man saw right through you, and although you had to admit it was a little unnerving, it was also comforting to see how well he knew Peter, and how much he cared about the boy- Peter needed that constant in his life, someone he could count on through everything else. “He misses you too, you know.”  
“I thought you didn’t know about-” 

“Oh, Pete didn’t tell me. But I’m Tony Stark, kid. I know things.” He winked at you, and you smiled softly. “_ Talk to him. _”

“I don’t know what to say,” you insisted, and it was true- what _ do _you say to someone who you just spent eight weeks avoiding because they’re dating your friend? 

“Maybe he doesn’t either,” suggested Tony gently, his eyes softening as he placed a hand on top of yours. “But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. I can tell by the way he talks about you two, as if you were his only lifeline. You mean a lot to him, kiddo, and he needs you. Don’t throw that away.” 

His words had finally gotten to you, and you wiped away a stray tear that was rolling down your face, but you still couldn’t help but smile. Tony was right- you _ couldn’t _throw the two of you away, no matter how much it might scare you to see him with someone else. And if he would let you back, you would show him that you were there for him no matter what. 

No matter how much it hurt you inside. 

“I won’t, Mr. Stark.” 

“Mister Stark?” A familiar voice came from Spider-Man’s room, and you spun around to see your spidey friend. “Mister Stark, can- ” 

Your heart dropping to your feet, you froze in your seat, your eyes stuck on the one person that you’d been unable to get your mind off of for the past couple of months. 

“_ Peter?” _


	4. nervous breakdowns and surprise spidey visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when peter comes to you asking for advice, you find yourself hoping for something you never thought possible, but when everything goes completely wrong, you find yourself crumbling under the weight of the secret you keep. however, when a certain masked stranger shows up at your window one night, you find that maybe your shattered heart has a chance at recovery after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter everyone! i’m so grateful to those of you that have supported me the entire way throughout the course of my first full-chapter fic and my first peter x reader. look for more of these types of fics soon, i’m loving writing these and i hope you’re enjoying reading them. thank you everyone <3 i think this chapter might’ve been a little OOC; it was probably more in-character for tom rather than peter, but i like the way this turned out so i hope you enjoy!   
warnings: angst, language, fluff!

Sobs caught in your throat as you threw yourself at your best friend, pulling him close to you in a tight hug- though being careful to be gentle around his injury. Peter, though shocked at the gesture, gently returned your hug, his hands softly stroking your back in a weak attempt to calm you down. Your own hands were running through Peter’s messy curls, and you realized how much you had missed his touch, how much you had missed having him  _ close  _ to you. 

“Shhh, Y/N. It’s okay. You’re okay.”    
“ _ I’m  _ okay?” You pulled away from Peter, your hands trembling and your voice shaky. “Peter, you almost  _ died! _ You got stabbed in the back with a knife! I was scared for  _ Spider-Man,  _ obviously, but it was  _ you!  _ You could’ve died, and if you had, it would’ve been  _ all my fault!”  _ You were rambling on now, your eyes focusing in on Peter as you realized what this meant. Peter was Spider-Man.

_ Peter Parker _ was  _ Spider-Man.  _

“You’re Spider-Man and you  _ never told me? _ Peter, you can’t be Spider-Man, no, no, no, you’re going to get  _ hurt _ , even worse than you are now, and I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you again.” Before you knew what was happening, you were tangled in Peter’s embrace again, and he guided you gently towards the row of chairs, letting you fall into one of them. Tears running down your face, you reached out to grab Peter’s hand, trying to keep yourself in his grasp as long as you could. You’d spent far too long away from him, and now that he was here, standing in front of you, you didn’t realize how much you  _ needed _ this- his touch, his soft, flawless skin against yours, his warmth making the cold you’d been feeling a minute ago disappear. 

“Darling, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, and it would never  _ be _ your fault. And I’m okay, and so are you.” Peter ran a gentle hand over your face, letting his fingertips trail down your jawline and leaving you breathless with the action. “Yes, I’ll get hurt from time to time, but it’s not as critical for me as it would be with any typical human; I’m ‘enhanced,’ remember? Besides, sometimes you have to take risks to save lives; it’s all in the job description. Don’t worry about me, love.” 

“I have to worry about you, Peter! It’s in  _ my  _ job description.” Your eyes glanced up at the boy’s, staring at him for a second before your gaze fell back to your hands. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you.” 

“I know. I know, love.” Peter’s hand slowly fell to where yours lay, and he grabbed it in his own, lacing his fingers through yours and stroking your thumb gently with his fingers. Usually, his overly touchy behavior would strike you as odd, but right now, it was too comforting to question. 

“How long have you- have you  _ been  _ Spider-Man?” You blushed, sure your question was silly, but Peter smiled. 

“Not too long, really,” Peter admitted, his gaze leaving yours as his eyes wandered up to the ceiling to do mental math. “A year at the most, probably.” 

“But you’re so- you’re so  _ good, _ ” you replied, raising an eyebrow. Peter laughed, his eyes sparkling as he shrugged at you. 

“What can I say? I’m a natural!” Peter punched you playfully in the arm, but your thoughts were elsewhere, and you didn’t respond. 

Peter had been Spider-Man all those months, and he’d been using the mask to weasel his way back into your heart. Yes, you’d always loved Peter, but you’d wanted distance for a reason, and there he had been the whole time, hiding in plain sight- while all the while, you had been oblivious to it. And you were a little hurt by that, the more you thought about it- it felt like a direct violation of your privacy, and Peter didn’t seem to realize that. Plus, here he was now, toying with your emotions- grabbing your hand, calling you  _ darling _ and  _ love _ , pulling you closer than you knew  _ friends _ were supposed to be- while you  _ knew _ he still had a girlfriend. You shook your head slightly, an uneasy feeling rising in your throat.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Peter touched your arm gently, and you jerked away, your eyes still focused in the distance- not noticing the shocked and hurt look on Peter’s face. 

“I- I don’t know.” Your voice came out a little colder than you were expecting, and Peter’s eyes were narrowed now, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He bit his lip, breathing heavily.  _ Please, no- _ he had just gotten you back, and somehow- even though you were still sitting right in front of him- he was losing you again. “Peter, I think- I think I’m going to need a little while to think about this. I’m going to go.” You stood up slowly, and Peter almost reached out his arm to grab you, keep you close- but he stopped himself just in time.  _ If you love her, let her go.  _ As you stood up slowly, walking towards the door, you glanced back over your shoulder one more time, your gaze catching Peter’s. “Feel better, okay?”    
The door slammed shut, and Peter was alone.

_ She promised she’d never walk away.  _ Yet here Peter was, watching you leave him behind for the second time. 

And somehow, that hurt even more than being stabbed in the back. 

~~~ 

You walked slowly down the sidewalk back towards your house- not an unfamiliar route now. You felt bad, walking out on Peter like that, but the pain in your heart had grown too much to handle.  _ Hurts to be away from him, hurts to be with him.  _

You just couldn’t win. 

And you knew you’d have to talk to Peter eventually. This wasn’t the type of situation you could just walk away from, let go as if it had never happened. But while you were still longing for your best friend back, something in you knew that he had betrayed your trust when he had continued to show up as Spider-Man, while you continued to put distance between yourself and Peter. 

Something else in you, though, told your mind that you weren’t thinking straight.

You collapsed onto your bed face first, gripping the sheets tightly in your fists as you let out an exasperated sigh. Why did feelings have to be so  _ complicated _ ? It was enough that you were only a teenager, which meant you’d gone through your fair share of drama- but you were pretty sure that this wasn’t the normal type of thing that teenage girls had to struggle through.  _ Best friend asks girl if he should ask out mutual friend, but girl is in love with boy and distances herself. Girl becomes friends with superhero, only to find out that- surprise! superhero is her best friend, who she’s tried her best to stay away from.  _ You couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the thought- it sounded like one of the cliche rom-coms that you couldn’t help but find yourself drawn to occasionally when you had nothing else to watch.

You found yourself watching another one of those exact movies four hours later- after watching two of them back to back. Sprawled across your bed, you were entranced in the movie, clutching onto your phone tightly. It was one of the few nights that you’d spent in a while without company from Spider-Man, and you obviously weren’t expecting him tonight.

So it was a surprise when the red-and-blue-suited boy appeared on your windowsill at midnight, hesitating for a minute before slowly sliding open your window and climbing in to sit down on the opposite side. You started at the sudden noise, sitting up quickly and staring in surprise when you saw who it was. “Peter?” 

The boy pulled the mask off shyly, revealing the mess of curls that you had to restrain yourself from reaching out to play with. “Hey, Y/N.”

“What are you- what are you doing here?” 

“Didn’t want you to miss your evening visit with Spidey.” Peter couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off of you- and you were  _ so damn beautiful, _ with your messy hair falling down your back and your Y/E/C eyes worn with lack of sleep. You didn’t notice though, and you barely caught the words he muttered at the end: “And I just can’t seem to stay away.” 

You broke into a small smile, not letting on that you’d heard the words he’d spoken to himself. “I’m sorry I left like that earlier.” 

Peter shook his head, dismissing your apology. “It’s… okay. I don’t know what I was thinking, trying to shove myself back into your life like that. I know… I know what I said that day wasn’t… right. But…” Peter hesitated before every phrase, trying to gauge your reaction to what he was saying. “Do you want to tell me why you ran away? Today, I mean. I know I messed up, I just… I’m not sure, exactly…” 

You laughed at the stuttering mess of a boy. “It’s okay, Peter. It’s just…” You trailed off, unsure of how to phrase it so you wouldn’t hurt his feelings. He was more fragile than he liked to admit sometimes, you noticed, and when you were both so vulnerable, it wasn’t a good idea to lash out. “I know I’ve been kind of… staying away from you for the last few months. And finding a friend in Spider-Man… it was a relief to know I wasn’t alone.” 

_ But you weren’t alone. You shouldn’t have been, anyway.  _ Peter cringed internally at your statement, but he let you continue. “But when I found out it was you… it kind of felt like I’d been lying to myself, a little bit? And a little bit like you… like you were lying to me?” It was phrased like a question, but Peter knew you meant the words, and his heart shattered a little at the admission. 

“God, Y/N, I’m so… I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I really messed things up, didn’t I?” Peter placed his head in his hands, gently shaking it, and you bit your lip but didn’t respond. “I know it was so wrong of me to…  _ manipulate _ you like that, and I’m  _ so, so,  _ sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. But it’s just…” Peter trailed off, glancing up at you and meeting your gaze. The two of you locked eyes, and Peter knew he had to finish explaining. “I didn’t want to lose you, Y/N. You ran away that day, and I just… I knew I messed up. But I knew you didn’t want to talk to me as Peter, so I just thought… maybe you’d want to talk to me as Spider-Man.” 

Peter shook his head, staring down at the floor, and your heart melted a little bit at the sight of the boy. You’d been mad a few hours earlier, but now? You felt nothing but love and forgiveness for Peter, but before you could say anything, he continued talking. “And I understand if you don’t want to be friends with me again, Y/N. That was- that was really shitty of me, and I don’t deserve you after this. You can-” Peter gulped down the lump in his throat, choking through the words- “you can just walk away. Just say the word, and I’m gone.” But before he even finished, Peter had tears rolling down his face, a sob caught in his throat. You gently stood up, walking over to the crying, trembling boy. Taking him by the hand, you led him to your bed, where he collapsed into your arms, shaking harder with every tear that dripped off his face. You sat there quietly with him, stroking his head and running your fingers gently through his hair.

When the sobs finally slowed down to a silent shudder every few seconds, you lifted Peter’s arm over your head, pulling yourself closer to him in an attempt to comfort him. “Hey, Peter?” 

He didn’t respond, but his gaze found yours quickly, and you held it for a second before you continued your statement. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Peter watched you for a moment, undeniably a little surprised by your statement. He had expected you to push him away, tell him to leave, ask him to please never return. 

Although now that he thought about it, that would never be like you at all. You’d always welcomed him with open arms, there to hug him or crack a joke when he was having a bad day, remind him that everything was going to be alright (even if you never actually said it out loud.) 

“I missed you so much,” you couldn’t help but murmur as your hand found Peter’s, and you saw him breaking into a smile out of the corner of your eye. The two of you sat in silence for a little while, and you found yourself taking in all of Peter as you did, breathing in his scent, feeling his warmth radiate onto you. 

“Hey, Y/N?” Peter said out of the blue, turning his head a little so he was facing you. “Why did you run away that day?” 

You bit your lip. “It’s nothing. It- it was nothing.” 

Peter sighed, letting go of your hand to play with your hair. “It wasn’t nothing. You were  _ so upset _ , Y/N, and I couldn’t figure out why. I beat myself up over it forever, and I still don’t know what I did wrong. Well…” Peter paused, his heart racing and his palms sweaty. “I know I did one thing wrong.” 

Creasing your eyebrows, you glanced back up at Peter, cocking your head. “What do you mean? You asked me if you should ask out MJ, and I said yes, and then you did. Happy ending, end of story.” But there was a bitter undertone at the edge of your voice, and Peter’s mouth dropped in realization as his heart melted for you for the millionth time that night.    
“That was never the plan,” he murmured softly, but just loud enough to catch your attention.

“What do you mean?” Now it was your turn to have a racing heart, your Y/E/C eyes staring into his. 

Peter smiled softly. “It was supposed to be you. It was always supposed to be you. Y/N, it’s always  _ been  _ you.” 

Your heart seemed to stop for the second time in twenty-four hours, but you somehow managed a small smile, letting him know it was okay to continue. “But when you freaked out, I- I did too. I made up that thing about MJ because I thought maybe… maybe you didn’t want us to be more than friends. I never asked her out though, Y/N. I never  _ would,  _ because I don’t like her the way I like you.” 

You smiled up at Peter, adoring his chocolate brown eyes more with every second you stared into them. And before you knew what was happening, you were melting into him, your lips pressing together, the sweet taste of Peter that you’d been longing for for so long flooding your mouth, his hands gripping your waist and yours tangled together in his hair. You pulled him closer, and closer, taking in every second, until… you realized something was off. 

Reluctantly, you pulled away from him, blushing slightly. “Peter.”    
“Yeah?” His eyes were trained on you, watching your every movement lovingly. 

“I want you  _ so badly _ , but… I don’t think we should do this yet.” You were expecting disappointment, but Peter’s expression didn’t change. “It’s just… we just got back to being friends- best friends- again, and I think I need a little time to let  _ this _ -” you gestured to where your heart was- “heal.” 

Peter smiled at you with twinkling eyes, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your hair. “That’s okay, Y/N.” 

“It is?” 

Grabbing your hand, Peter nodded once, leaning back against your bedroom wall. “Of course it is. Y/N, I don’t care how long it’ll take. You can take your time, as much time as you need, and until you’re ready…” 

“ _ I’ll wait for you.”  _

_ ~~~ _

🎶  _ baby, tell me when you're ready _

_ i'm waitin' _

_ baby, any time you're ready _

_ i'm waitin' _

_ even ten years from now _

_ if you haven't found somebody _

_ i promise, i'll be around _

_ tell me when you're ready _

_ i'm waitin'  _ 🎶

~ shawn mendes


End file.
